You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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