I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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