we have pet lesbian snakes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
