Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
