Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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