Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
