Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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