there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
