id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
