my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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