we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
