matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
