3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
