his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
