this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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