I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
