You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
