Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
