oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He better not be in your backpack
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
