you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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