The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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