mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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