why didn't you poke me back
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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