be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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