Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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