OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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