Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
