he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
