I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just had sex bonerless
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
