Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
