I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
