Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
