There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
