I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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