Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
