I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
