i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
