I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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