i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
