I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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