Where are you?
In a non slutty way
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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