i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When did angry sex become our thing?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
