afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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