Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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