so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
