I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
