I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
