look no pants
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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