I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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