Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
